英検作文対策:Should developed nations encourage immigration from other countries?

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May 6, 2019 22:58 eiken 英検
I have been honing my essay writing skills to prepare for an English proficiency test that will be held on the 2 of June. I would like to expand my vocabulary, especially on economics, technology and politics. Would you please correct my essay below? I would be grateful if you could show me more proper ways to express my opinion.

[Task] Write an essay on the given topic. Use two points to support your answer. Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

[Topic] Should developed nations encourage immigration from other countries?

My answer: I think that developed nations should encourage immigration from other countries for the following two reasons.
First, accepting immigrants is one of the keys to solve the problem of a labor shortage. In developed countries, the declining birth rate and the aging population are so serious that companies are starting finding it difficult to secure sufficient labor. Also, if the immigrants settle in the place where they are living after getting a job, they can be expected to produce the younger generation.
Second, encouraging immigration from other countries contributes to raising awareness and deepening of understanding of the importance of diversity in general, and particularly in Japan. Through the interaction between the immigrants and the locals, both sides of people can learn new perspective that will be able to improve their lives.
For these reasons, I think that developed nations should encourage immigration from other countries.

I am not sure if the second argument is convincing to you. Maybe to Japanese people only, yes, it's very good and convincing, but no to people living in the US or Europe.