英検作文対策:Should a country develop a national DNA database?

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Apr 29, 2019 19:37 eiken 英検
I have been practicing writing English essays to prepare for an English proficiency test which will be held in four weeks. The total time allowed to us is ninety minutes for the reading and writing section, and the test takers are encouraged to write one essay in twenty minutes.
Would you correct my essay below? And I would be grateful if you show me more proper ways to express my opinion.

[task] Write an essay on the given TOPIC. Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer. Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

Topic: Should a country develop a national DNA database?
Points: Exoneration, Crime prevention, Privacy, False accusation

My answer: I don't think that a country should develop a national DNA database, and I have two main reasons for this.
First, having a national DNA database may offend privacy. It would definitely be aimed to prevent crimes in the future, but still, it must lead the discrimination against those who are deemed as "inferior", just like under a eugenic law many people had to undergo an operation which made them disable on reproduction in the 20th century.
Second, you cannot ignore the possibility that wrong data would be included and cause false accusations. That's because in general things named with those words like "national" or "database" must be believed to be perfectly correct, and it is likely to be neglected to check if they are believable.
For these reasons, I don't think that it is a good idea to establish a national DNA database.