It's like a stage fright 女優の見る夢

  • 128
  • 1
  • 1
  • English 
May 19, 2019 19:51
The stage space is small and narrow. There are two back stages, one behind the gauze curtain on stage front, another at the stage right. Our performance will start in 15 minutes. My co-performer is already on standby at the wing. I check the back stage behind the curtain for my costume and scripts. Strangely, my costume is different from what should be. I can't find my dark blue velvet jacket embroidered with shiny beads. Should I perform wearing this green shirt and blue skirt? They may not be very bad, but a bit boring. Where is my script notebook? Well, what am I going to perform? I can't remember.
My co-performer shows up and smiles at me. He looks gorgeous. I mean, he is great at playing the role of a game nerd. That role is also what he is playing in his real life. He asks, "Hey, what are you going to perform today?" I reply to him automatically, "That piece, I performed yesterday."
He whistles and says, "Cool! I like it. I am sure you'll be great again today. Break a leg!"
I reply, "Thanks, you too!"
I try to recall what the piece is like that I mentioned. It's a monologue which is a comedy about a shy and clumsy girl living alone in a big city. She sometimes talks to birds on the roof, because she has no other one to talk to.
He starts performing. The audience likes him. An enthusiastic fan of him is sitting in the first row not to miss the chance to clap her hands or to meet his eyes. That girl has a suspicion that her favourite actor is going out with me. I just hope she doesn't have tomatoes to throw at me on stage.
I slip into the wing back stage. My small notebook with a grey cover is there. I open it to find the monologue has been rewritten into a dialogue. My role is the same, but it should be a monologue. I couldn't ask him to join me without a rehearsal, to play on stage together in ten minutes. Then, I should show an impromptu. I am not very good at making up a story while performing on stage. I'm not a comedian but an actress. Well, how about performing a day of my life, "My bad habit: How I neglect my duties"?
Yesterday, I woke up as early as usual, but I am not sure why I couldn't start learning English until 11. I made every excuse to procrastinate my study: I have to clean my room. I have to do the laundry. I want to study some new recipes for tapioca desserts. I even drove to three supermarket for tapioca and coconut milk, and ended up ordering tapioca at Amazon. At last I practiced vocabulary with an app in the afternoon. I had been so afraid of knowing how terrible my listening comprehension ability that I didn't even try sample questions in the book until yesterday. I will take an English proficiency test in two weeks, and it is not long enough to strengthen one's listening ability. I knew that well, then, why had I neglected that long?
I tried sample questions from the listening part. My result was not too bad. I was so relieved that I started to make strawberry jam in the kitchen. You know, it takes a bit time. You can't leave the gas stove.
I wonder if this story can be fun enough to entertain the audience, including that crazy girl. I want to die for my fear.
Suddenly, I woke up in my futon, sweating heavily. It was a dream that I frequently have had before some important events. It has been a very long time since I last had this kind of dream. In my dreams, I always forget where I put my costume, scripts book, or props. I don't know what role I am going to play and end up standing on stage in front of the audience, wearing my old jersey and tights, and my mind all blank.
That's why I hate stressing myself. I don't want to have a stage fright dream any more.

舞台は狭くて小さかった。楽屋が二つあって、一つは舞台正面奥の紗幕の後ろ、もう一つは下手の袖だった。公演は15分後に始まる。共演者はもう袖でスタンバイしていた。私は、紗幕の後ろの楽屋に行って、衣装と台本を探した。おかしなことに、衣装は記憶とは違っていた。きらきら光るビーズで縫い取りした、青いベルベットのジャケットがない。この緑のカットソーと青いスカートだけで舞台に上がる? 悪くはないけれど、ちょっと地味かな。台本はどこ? えっと、何を演るんだったっけ? 思い出せない。

「ああ、いいね! 僕あれが好き。今日も凄い演技期待してるよ! 成功を祈る!」

私は袖の楽屋に滑り込んだ。私の台本、グレーの表紙のノートがあった。開いてみて、モノローグがダイアローグに書き換えられているのに気が付いた。役柄は同じなんだけど、でも、どうしてダイアローグになっちゃったわけ? 彼に出演して欲しいなんて頼めない。出番は10分後なんだし、リハなしなんて、絶対に無理。もう、ぶっつけで演るしかない。私はアドリブが得意なタイプではない。演じながらストーリーを組み立てるなんて本当に無理。女優であって、芸人じゃないんだから。じゃあ、こんなのはどうかな。ある一日を切り取って描写する。
「私の悪癖 やるべきことからいかに逃げるか」

昨日、いつもと同じ時刻に起きた。でもどうして、英語の勉強を11時になるまで、始められないわけ? 勉強しない言い訳を百ほどもこしらえた。
リスニング問題をやってみた。そんなにひどくなかった。私はほっとして、苺ジャムを作り始めた。自分でもあきれた。なんでジャムなんて煮てるの? 結構時間がかかる上に、ガスから離れられないのに。