英検作文対策:Is gun control an effective way to control the crime?

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May 18, 2019 23:30 eiken 英検
I have been honing my essay writing skills to prepare for an English proficiency test that will be held on the 2nd of June. Would you please correct my essay below?
Honestly, I started to worry that I have done the procedure of application to the test properly, because I haven't got my examination admission ticket yet. I am surprised to find out how bad my English is every time I try to write an essay on a frequent topic like the death penalty, a green tax or the abolition of nuclear power plants. Writing essays in English makes me feel as if I were a primary school kid... Anyways I should practice more! I would be grateful if you could show me more proper ways to express my opinion.

[task] Write an essay on the given topic. Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

[Topic] Is gun control an effective way to control the crime?

My answer: I agree with the idea that gun control is an effective way to control the crime for the following the two reasons.
First, guns are clearly supposed to shoot, and in that meaning, they are different from other reachable things that can be mass murder weapons such as cars, knives, or agrochemicals. Having a gun let the owner have the idea that they can harm others by using that tool. The urge to grab a gun occurs easily when they cannot suppress their anger or fear. Depriving of guns contributes to the reduction of the crimes.
Second, weapons should not be circulated in the general market of a mature society. We have always been fighting against the wrong (evil?) ideologies that allow people to find an excuse to commit murder or set a war. Having tools of murder is nothing more than harm, and disarming people is the significant step to prevent the crimes.
For these reasons, I agree with the idea that gun control is an effective way to control crime.

Instead "a mature society", I wanted to use a word with "well-", but I didn't find a proper adjective for that. How do you describe a society, in which people strive to have sound thoughts and have achieved that to a certain point?