英検作文対策:Industrialized countries should help developing countries modernize

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Apr 30, 2019 18:21 eiken 英検
I have been honing my essay writing skills to prepare for an English proficiency test, which will be held in four weeks. Would you please correct my essay below? I would be grateful if you could show me more proper ways to express my opinion. The time allotted to the reading and writing sections is 90 minutes and test takers are encouraged to write one essay within 20 minutes. I can write one less than 15 minutes, but I think that I should learn more terms. I know the meaning of "natural resources", but couldn't remember it instantly while writing an essay. I should read more newspaper articles about economics, politics and technology. I sometimes notice I am reading only what I am interested in, for example about the Japanese new era, something romantic like "How we met", or something about feminism.
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[Task] Write an essay on the given TOPIC. Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer. Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

TOPIC: Agree or disagree:
Industrialized countries should help developing countries modernize
POINTS: Environment, Poverty, Global economy, Fairness

My answer: I agree with the idea that industrialized countries should help developing countries modernize, and I have two main reasons for this/
First, industrialized countries can contribute to developing countries' industrialization, not only offering the modern technology but also improving their awareness and the practical technology for the environmental issue.
Second, in modern times, fairness should be a very crucial factor in the global world. Industrialized countries should not exploit developing countries, but help them in many fields, not only in the industrial field but also in any other fields in which they need to improve, such as education.
For these reasons, I agree with the idea that industrialized countries should help developing countries modernize.