英検作文対策:Advancements in science and technology have made our lives better

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Apr 27, 2019 20:26 英検 eiken
I would like to practice writing English essays to prepare with an English proficiency test which will be held in four weeks. The test takers don't have to write their honest opinions, but have to write something quickly with correct grammar and proper terms.
If you have time, would you correct my essays, please? And I would be more grateful if you're not too critic to me. I don't have much time to depress myself.

[Task] Write an essay on the given TOPIC. Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer. Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion. Suggested length: 120-150 words.

TOPIC
Agree or disagree:
Advancements in science and technology have made our lives better

POINTS
Environment, Democracy, Weapons, Efficiency

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My answer:
I agree with the idea that advancements in science and technology have made our lives better, and I have two reasons for this.
First, technology has contributed to the efficiency in our modern lives. Home electric appliances allow you to enjoy more free time and they also set women free, who used to dedicated the whole time of them to household work for their family.
Second, advancements in science and technology have also contributed to democracy. They allow people to have more tools to get information. In modern times, it is no longer very easy to hide inconvenient facts for the authorities from the civilians. Certainly, people are still vulnerable and easy to be influenced by media, including social network services, for example, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and so on. But still, they are more likely to be able to get more accurate information to improve their lives than the people in the feudal time did.
It is for these reasons that I believe that advancements in science and technology have made our lives better.
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Test takers are encouraged to be able to write one in 20 minutes. This time I took 23 minutes. It was not too bad, but I would like to practice more to shorten the time, to 15 minutes. Because I would need time to check the other questions in reading and grammar.