LGBT and me

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Jul 7, 2018 22:26 lgbt l education japanese japan English translation diary Japan tokyo london blog
It's an LGBT parade day in London. Unfortunately, I can't go there this year, but as a part of them, I am going to talk about myself and LGBT.


I had been tried to figure out what my sexuality is, for over 20 years. and now I think I am Pansexual. I want to like people regardless of gender. For me, male and female are almost the same. Therefore both gender can be my best friend and partner.


To be honest, I didn't have confidence as a woman. I tried to escape from fear. the reason why I felt it was because I was buried by girls when I was a teenager. They said: -'She's disgusting, gloss, and ugly. She's not a woman anymore.' Probably they thought I was different from other girls. I presume I was different because I as I said, I don't have a definition between men and women. Since then I was very scared to recognise myself as a woman. Probably, it was like trauma. I didn't want to become a part of them. 


However, Since I was a university student, I could open my mind to other girls because some girls' classmates in uni were similar to me. But even so, I wasn't sure how to distinguish people by gender. Therefore I had very close guy friends in uni as well and never felt anything on them. I was just really happy that I had really good friends. Also, I was afraid of being feminine still. I thought if I became a woman, I'll be a disgusting, and worthless person because I was still believing that I am an ugly and creepy girl as my classmates said.


However, since I came to the UK, I changed. I saw people confidently show their own sexuality, and even people who are just normal are not belonging to femininity or masculinity consciously and particularly.  They are just living as they want. Also, people don't criticise someone's appearance directly. That made me free and gave me confidence to show my truth to everyone. I think eventually, I could accept myself.


I sometimes think some transgender people are more feminine/masculine than who have not doubted about their gender. They know what they actually want to be. Therefore I think they are beautiful.


I don't hesitate myself and I don't hate myself anymore. I'd like to be a woman by my own style, and at the same time, I'd love to figure out a masculine side in my personality. Also, I don't hesitate to love someone whether they are men or women. I'll follow my heart and passion. Whatever I like to do is everything for me, and whoever I love is my love. 

Happy LGBT celebration day!! xxx